On To Valhalla!

[The Breeze]

This thread is to honor/roast any and all of the players, coaches, owners etc. who have donned the Purple and given it their all (good or bad) for the glory and honor of the team.
---
Like a wake, it is meant to serve as a means to sever and/or honor the cords of emotional entanglement with the past both near and far. Cannonize and/or vilify....fond farewells of rememberance and 'don't let the door hit yas' to the famed and infamous.
--
All in good fun and it comes with a bottomless forum sized bottle of Purple Drank..so, there's plenty for everyone.
As it is a thread for personal purging and reverance let us not mock our process with petty debate therein.
---
Without further ado, (cracks open bottle)..
To Odin and Vahalla!...and to that glorious day when the great horn blows as the Purple Horde raises the Lombardi...more commoningly known as. 'the end of the world' (takes large swig) SKOL!
---
(raises bottle) To Greg Jennings: A fine football player and finer human being. Your time in purple was too brief and uneventful. In spite of your lose lips, I appreciate the candor and class you carried with you as well as your willingness to publicly refer to Erin Rodgers as #12, thus furthering the disrespect between the two franchises. Well done.(takes swig)
--
I should think that the people of Minneapolis are better off having you as a full time resident.
You will most likely find another team and be a valuable asset for a few more years, or so is my wish for you.
It was proved that you were not the solution to Ponder's issues,... nor is he.
But when you again meet the Vikings on the grassy downs, may Odin, in his infinite wisdom, see fit for Harrison Smith to completely knock the snot out of you like a Mack trucking leveling a jackrabbit on a lonely desert road, leaving you there while ravens and coyotes pick at your remains until the end of days. Nothing personal. (takes swig)
---
To Jerome Simpson The 'High' Hurdler:
Your mastery of missed potential is nearly unparalled in terms of it's WTF?-ness.
A funy dude who I sincerely hope stays out of harms way or harm to others in the future, whatever you wind up doing for fun.
I see the possibility of you in a return to the Vikings as a member of the spirit squad. Hurdling cheerleaders and displaying your patented first down manuever on the sidelines of home games, serving cold beers and bongs to fans with fieldside seats...but it's probably just the purple drank clouding my judgement. SKOL!
---
(raises bottle)
To Red McCombs: The man who put the F U in frugal. More than anything you did or did not do, I am grateful for how you taught me to appreciate having owners willing to spend resources to make this franchise worthy of rooting for.
For your lesson to be learned in accordance with my personal grievance toward your inherent thrifty-ness, I beseech that Odin confines you to a Kingman, AZ street corner in perpetual August heat, dressed as Little Bo-Peep with nothing to eat but government cheese and vienna sausages, pressed with the task of selling a cheap Casio wristwatch for $1000 to passersby, until successful or the Vikings win the superbowl. Only then shall ye be released.(swig)
---
To Charlie Johnson: The Rodney Dangerfield of O-linemen. I will always remember you as the large shape on the left side of the line anchoring the fleet ship of the offense, much the same way an actual anchor works to keep a boat from moving.
In spite of being vilified ad infintum by fans across the board, you mananged to start at LT and G for several years and no one was killed. For that I salute you and say farewell. (drink)
---
To Jasper Brinkley: Is that Adrian Peterson coming at you with the ball through the right side of the line? No, it's Jarious Wright catching a pass right behind you for a 20 yac gain. hahahha.
Serously, Jasper is a cool name..brah.
SKOL!
----
To Chrisian Ponder: My two fondest memories of him were: his first pass against GB on the double move and pump fake to Jenkins. I was like, 'yes! Here is our guy'... The other was when he tried to break the stout shoulder of Kyle Vanden Bosch with his hip in Detroit.
--
I will miss you and Samantha and your matching sweaters. A total class act and team guy.....but on to Oakland! (raises bottle) where may it be revealed that Bill Musgrave is actually your father and also a master of choreography. This revelation inspires you both to leave football for a long successeful career in tapdancing, where every tap of your happy feet is in accordance with the time ticking off the clock to the Vikings superbowl triumph at the end of the world, thus earning you your redemption and entry into Valhalla.
(swig)

[Beo]

Well done sir! I laughed hard at the Red Mccombs one....lol.

[Funkytown]

You're so awesome, Breeze.

[The Breeze]

You're so awesome, Breeze.

Hey!, I've been passively trying to flush you out for a few days. Hope you are keeping well.
(swig)

[Puddin'Taine]

This thread is to honor/roast any and all of the players, coaches, owners etc. who have donned the Purple and given it their all (good or bad) for the glory and honor of the team.
---
Like a wake, it is meant to serve as a means to sever and/or honor the cords of emotional entanglement with the past both near and far. Cannonize and/or vilify....fond farewells of rememberance and 'don't let the door hit yas' to the famed and infamous.
--
All in good fun and it comes with a bottomless forum sized bottle of Purple Drank..so, there's plenty for everyone.
As it is a thread for personal purging and reverance let us not mock our process with petty debate therein.
---
Without further ado, (cracks open bottle)..
To Odin and Vahalla!...and to that glorious day when the great horn blows as the Purple Horde raises the Lombardi...more commoningly known as. 'the end of the world' (takes large swig) SKOL!
---
(raises bottle) To Greg Jennings: A fine football player and finer human being. Your time in purple was too brief and uneventful. In spite of your lose lips, I appreciate the candor and class you carried with you as well as your willingness to publicly refer to Erin Rodgers as #12, thus furthering the disrespect between the two franchises. Well done.(takes swig)
--
I should think that the people of Minneapolis are better off having you as a full time resident.
You will most likely find another team and be a valuable asset for a few more years, or so is my wish for you.
It was proved that you were not the solution to Ponder's issues,... nor is he.
But when you again meet the Vikings on the grassy downs, may Odin, in his infinite wisdom, see fit for Harrison Smith to completely knock the snot out of you like a Mack trucking leveling a jackrabbit on a lonely desert road, leaving you there while ravens and coyotes pick at your remains until the end of days. Nothing personal. (takes swig)
---
To Jerome Simpson The 'High' Hurdler:
Your mastery of missed potential is nearly unparalled in terms of it's WTF?-ness.
A funy dude who I sincerely hope stays out of harms way or harm to others in the future, whatever you wind up doing for fun.
I see the possibility of you in a return to the Vikings as a member of the spirit squad. Hurdling cheerleaders and displaying your patented first down manuever on the sidelines of home games, serving cold beers and bongs to fans with fieldside seats...but it's probably just the purple drank clouding my judgement. SKOL!
---
(raises bottle)
To Red McCombs: The man who put the F U in frugal. More than anything you did or did not do, I am grateful for how you taught me to appreciate having owners willing to spend resources to make this franchise worthy of rooting for.
For your lesson to be learned in accordance with my personal grievance toward your inherent thrifty-ness, I beseech that Odin confines you to a Kingman, AZ street corner in perpetual August heat, dressed as Little Bo-Peep with nothing to eat but government cheese and vienna sausages, pressed with the task of selling a cheap Casio wristwatch for $1000 to passersby, until successful or the Vikings win the superbowl. Only then shall ye be released.(swig)
---
To Charlie Johnson: The Rodney Dangerfield of O-linemen. I will always remember you as the large shape on the left side of the line anchoring the fleet ship of the offense, much the same way an actual anchor works to keep a boat from moving.
In spite of being vilified ad infintum by fans across the board, you mananged to start at LT and G for several years and no one was killed. For that I salute you and say farewell. (drink)
---
To Jasper Brinkley: Is that Adrian Peterson coming at you with the ball through the right side of the line? No, it's Jarious Wright catching a pass right behind you for a 20 yac gain. hahahha.
Serously, Jasper is a cool name..brah.
SKOL!
----
To Chrisian Ponder: My two fondest memories of him were: his first pass against GB on the double move and pump fake to Jenkins. I was like, 'yes! Here is our guy'... The other was when he tried to break the stout shoulder of Kyle Vanden Bosch with his hip in Detroit.
--
I will miss you and Samantha and your matching sweaters. A total class act and team guy.....but on to Oakland! (raises bottle) where may it be revealed that Bill Musgrave is actually your father and also a master of choreography. This revelation inspires you both to leave football for a long successeful career in tapdancing, where every tap of your happy feet is in accordance with the time ticking off the clock to the Vikings superbowl triumph at the end of the world, thus earning you your redemption and entry into Valhalla.
(swig)

Holy crap! I can't believe you know of Kingman, AZ ROFL.

That place single handedly ruined my life, I was stuck there for almost 2 years accidentally on a fluke. One week, spent 2 years trying to leave. That place is seriously THE example of how bad things can get, people always either a. Just think I am over exagerrating, or.and B. Just making my experiences up. Mainly because people just don't realize and or truly believe places like this actually exist.

[PurpleMustReign]

Ok, I don't know what I am doing here... but I will give it a shot:

To Mike Tice... May the pencil never leave your ear! It takes a special kind to stay on the sideline despite tearing your ACL while watching a punt return. SKOL to thee (Insert Tice's laugh here)!!


How did I do?

[Puddin'Taine]

I've got 2 words for this.

TOMMY and KRAMER.

[The Breeze]

Ok, I don't know what I am doing here... but I will give it a shot:

To Mike Tice... May the pencil never leave your ear! It takes a special kind to stay on the sideline despite tearing your ACL while watching a punt return. SKOL to thee (Insert Tice's laugh here)!!


How did I do?

I wasn't expecting this to be a spoof thread...it just kicked off that way.
I just wanted to make spot for peeps to say whatever we felt about players/coaches that are missed/or not missed from the old days till now.
There's no last word on any of these guys as long as someone else remembers them.
-
So SKOL to Mike Tice. Better than advertised and sold short. May he be found selling high, tickets for seats to the end of the world.

[PurpleMustReign]

I wasn't expecting this to be a spoof thread...it just kicked off that way.
I just wanted to make spot for peeps to say whatever we felt about players/coaches that are missed/or not missed from the old days till now.
There's no last word on any of these guys as long as someone else remembers them.
-
So SKOL to Mike Tice. Better than advertised and sold short. May he be found selling high, tickets for seats to the end of the world.

Oh... so did I ruin it?

[Texas Vike]

Very Dante Inferno-like, Breeze, I like this thread.


Troy Williamson. It has been deemed that yea shall prepare PBJ sandwiches and fulfill other such domestic chores that require deft movements of the hands from here to eternity (or a Super Bowl Victory by the beloved Purple, whichever comes first --gulp!) with clubs for hands and an oversized bobble head helmet that he must wear 24-7.

It's hard to even attempt one of these after your fantastic Red McComb's write up!

[vatusay]

Michael Bennett, may your 4.13 40 come in handy one of these days.

[The Breeze]

@Tex
lol
I had a feeling you would like this.
--
I was actually hoping for some serious takes, eventually....and I'll include my own.
I just got carried away entertaining myself....besides humor is how I was taught to deal with tragedy, and if Ponder/Williamson aren't tragedies I'm in the wrong octave.
They'll always be Vikings to me though, and part of some bigger picture that isn't as hard to look at.

[The Breeze]

Oh... so did I ruin it?

Lol no way. Have fun.

[Texas Vike]

@Tex
lol
I had a feeling you would like this.
--
I was actually hoping for some serious takes, eventually....and I'll include my own.
I just got carried away entertaining myself....besides humor is how I was taught to deal with tragedy, and if Ponder/Williamson aren't tragedies I'm in the wrong octave.
They'll always be Vikings to me though, and part of some bigger picture that isn't as hard to look at.

Amen (or whatever the Scandinavian equivalent would be to that Latin term) to that!

Am I right in guessing that Greg Jennings' release was the impetus for this thread? I like him a lot and his release is a bit tough since he seems genuinely excited to be in the Twin Cities. From a strategy perspective, I think switching Wallace for Jennings was probably a good move. I think Jarius can do a lot of what Greg's been doing.

[The Breeze]

Amen (or whatever the Scandinavian equivalent would be to that Latin term) to that!

Am I right in guessing that Greg Jennings' release was the impetus for this thread? I like him a lot and his release is a bit tough since he seems genuinely excited to be in the Twin Cities. From a strategy perspective, I think switching Wallace for Jennings was probably a good move. I think Jarius can do a lot of what Greg's been doing.

I'm not sure of the specific impetus. I've been reading tons of Tolkien for the first time and have had this epic sense of nostalgia around Norse mythology for ever.
The suddeness at which a players 'team identity' can shift is so like death.....and they are gone...to Buffalo or even worse, Oakland.
But as Vikings we have Vahalla through which they can be eternally bound to Odin's will and hence the Vikings victory wherever they go. (even Kingman)
This is merely the ceremony that binds them to such a fate? (swig)

-
I totally agree regarding Jarius, Wallace and Jennings.