To The 2008 Graduates

[spdolphs]

We had two sons graduate from high school the past two years. It made me reflect back on my years in school. The one thing I do remember is the ceremony and how dull it was. Someone that I didn't know got up and spoke about it being the crossroads, the time of our life, and how we needed to rise up and meet the challenges ahead....yada yada yada. After thinking about the changes that I encountered, I thought a more realistic speech might be in order.

To the graduates.

You did it. You finished high school. Now you have some decisions to make. Do you keep working, or continue your education? That's the easy part. Here are the difficult things you will have to deal with.

The magic hamper is gone. You know, that basket in the bathroom where you throw your clothes and wet towels and they suddenly reappear a couple days later clean and folded. It is gone. Get used to it. It's very simple to do, just put in the laundry soap, turn the dial and start it up. Oh yeah, start saving your quarters. When you have your own place I can almost guarantee your efficiency apartment won't come with a brand new washer and dryer.

Ants. Yes, that's right, ants. What do ants have to do with graduating from high school? You will soon become acquainted with them. I know because when I moved into my own place I had trouble with the concept of cleaning dishes and wiping the crumbs off of the counter. Dishes were piled up high and you couldn't even use the faucet without knocking down the teetering mound of plates and cereal bowls. The ants will soon find this buffet and will be coming and going at their leisure.

Welcome to AOL. Remember that high speed internet you had at Mom and Dad's? It cost money and you will inevitably try to save a few bucks and get dial up internet service. The two bad things about this are that nothing online works on dial up anymore, and once you subscribe to AOL, it practically takes an act of congress to cancel it!

Tuna fish and ramen noodles. When you are out on your own for the first time you will discover that the vast array of wonderful meals has disappeared. Also, you money supply has somehow shrunk, due to things like rent, utilities, insurance etc.... You will learn how to dress up mac and cheese with some tuna and green peas and discover the joy of buying ramen noodles ten packages for a dollar.

Overall, your life will see some dramatic changes. A lot of them will take time to get used to, but just like everyone else, you will find a way to get by. Just don't forget, now that you are out on your own your parents might actually want you around once in a while. They got used to having you there for 18 years, so it will be an adjustment for them too. You can use this to your advantage by dropping in for a visit, with three loads of laundry. Oh, and make sure you plan to visit around supper time.

Good luck!

[Cliff]

That's pretty good. My favorite "Graduation" writing is that article by Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune that Baz Lurhman made into a song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBI ... re=related

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99... wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

[PurpleMustReign]

spdolphs, that is a great speech!! I liked the Ramen noodles part.

[Krulik]

dolph, if some kid got up and gave that speech at my graduation, there probably would have been a riot ending up with him in an ambulance.

Cliff, I liked that one you posted

[axeldaddy]

If you want graduation excitement, we got some jail time for you down here! Check this story:

7 Arrested at High School Graduation

At last year's graduation for a daughter, her friend was Valedictorian. She spoke in a monotonous measured voice about Stalin and mindlessly following leaders, as we were surrounded by stern looking policemen. It was funny. We now refer to her friend as the Vale-Dictatorian.

[Krulik]

If you want graduation excitement, we got some jail time for you down here! Check this story:

7 Arrested at High School Graduation

At last year's graduation for a daughter, her friend was Valedictorian. She spoke in a monotonous measured voice about Stalin and mindlessly following leaders, as we were surrounded by stern looking policemen. It was funny. We now refer to her friend as the Vale-Dictatorian.

Dude, that is one of the most ridiculous and depressing articles I have ever read. I mean seriously, come on. No cheering for your family or friend? What the **** is wrong with those people.

[jackal]

now you have to work .....

life is over as you know it

[VikingMachine]

now you have to work .....

life is over as you know it

Funny how we all CANT WAIT to get done with school and then after a short time you realize that now this is your life for...well, life!

Seems like most of us are always wishing for the next thing in life. I cant wait to be 16 to get a car, cant wait to graduate at 18 and move out of my parents house, cant wait to be 21 so I can drink, cant wait to be 22-24 and graduate from college and make more than $8 an hour and run my own life, cant wait till I can retire from this job and enjoy life, ect....

My Grandmother used to tell us, "dont wish your life away, it'll be gone soon enough". I got the feeling when she would say that that she wanted us to try to enjoy the ride regardless of where we were on it as lifes just a big adventure really.

[Krulik]

Heres a song I think you all should listen to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7MIsby ... re=related

sorry for the annoying intro